Stream of Consciousness
SOC 1:
I'm eating an apple in the big apple, listening to Bohemian Rhapsody, and staring out my open window looking at the city sparkle.
Now seems like the perfect time to reflect on life.
At this point it has been over two weeks since I arrived in NYC and made it my home for the next year. I'm not quite sure how to feel.
On one hand I am beyond excited. This is what I've wanted to do for years... be independent and study what I want. But I can't help feeling like something is missing. I'm in film school and I have yet to actually get my hands on a camera. It just feels counterproductive. Un-encouraging that the one thing I came here to do I haven't done yet. Understanding the basics is a necessity I understand that, however I feel held back by the utter fact that I am unfamiliar with the name dropped directors and the so called "must-see" films.
I continue to go back to the idea that I am living three lives at once. My life in the past: the one at home with the familiarities of friends, work, and daily activities. My life in the present: college work, college friends, college stress, and college fun. And My life in the future: the life that holds something I have yet to encounter, something I don't quite understand yet. All intertwined yet never meeting in a way where the puzzle pieces fit together as one revealing the image that I guess in this metaphor is my life story.
It's like I can see the finish line yet every time I allow myself to feel a little closer to the goal I fall ten steps behind. I know exactly what I want to achieve for my career but I have no idea how to get there or what will come as part of that package deal.
The problem here I guess is the knowing that there will always be the unknown. As someone who is indecisive this is everything but what I want to hear.
Though despite being indecisive I am also an extremely (obnoxiously) optimistic person. And the optimist in me is screaming "enjoy the journey." This is a rare and once in a lifetime opportunity and why waste it wallowing in a pity that has no real purpose when I can be enjoying and working towards my future?
Who cares if I have no idea where I'm going to end up, who I'm going to become, what I'm going to do, when I'll accomplish my goals... life is about the journey and I intend to live a life worth living.
One foot after the other, enjoy the journey.
So for now that is all from the small town girl living in the city.
Cheers to wandering this thing called life with my converse.
-HA
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life advice from a small town girl living in the big city